Monday, January 24, 2011

Accidents do happen

I want to take time to tell some stories that have been told to me by friends and families. I will change the names to protect the innocent.

In a duck blind, a lot of things get shot, especially the bull. Stories are told, jokes are made and the coffee thermos is passed around. An older fellow, we will call John, has spent a lot of time listening and laughing. He is a big man, who always wears overalls. He smokes unfiltered Marlboro Reds, and drinks only the finest Budweiser beer. In his prime, he probably was one of the toughest men around, and still is today. He has duck hunted most of his life.

Upon someone making a comment about the frigid temperature, John remarked “You don’t know nothing about being cold.” as he took a pull off his cowboy killer cigarette. “Once I was guiding a hunting group up near Big Sandy. It was going to be an all day affair. We brought all the food, all the drinks and all the essentials for a duck blind, or at least we thought. I was sitting next to some young guys, discussing politics and wives, and suddenly felt the urge to go to the bathroom. After a quick rummage through every blind bag we brought, I discovered we had no toilet paper. Now leaves and such were out of the question. The blind was built on a sandy beach, with cane for brush. This left me with two options. Hold it and wait, or drive the boat 20 minutes back to the truck. As I was thinking on this, a group of pintails buzzed the blind. Hold it became the only option. Time passed and I guess I forgot. But as lunch drew near, and conversation ensued, I felt the urge to pass a little gas. As I reared back and prepared to demonstrate the proper technique, I realized this was no fart. It was too late. I had already messed up. Everyone in the blind was hooping and laughing and holding their noses. I smelled terrible, and had nothing to assist in the cleanup effort. No one in the blind would drive the boat back to the truck and drop me off because I smelled so bad. So with ice on the water, I came out of my waders, and stripped down to only what the Lord had given me, and washed myself in the river. The temperature was around 19 degrees.”

The lesson from John’s story is either always be prepared or always carry toilet paper!

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